I have pride and control issues…
I guess you can argue that both are one in the same; nevertheless I struggle with them both!
Let me explain:
Often times when there is a conversation about faith, there is an element of human responsibility involved that “proves” that true faith is actually possessed rather than merely professed. For example, if someone is seeking employment and asks me to pray that God would give them a job, I typically oblige. But as soon as the “amen” has been said my follow-up question is normally, “How many job applications have you obtained and filled out?” The reason I do this is to gauge whether or not that person is holding up their end and really trusting God by stepping out and actively and intentionally seeking employment. I do this to help the person understand that the evidence of their faith lies in the activity of their feet/hands (See Joshua 3). Faith in this case is exemplified in “active pursuit”, but is this always the case? Is faith always displayed in the stepping out? Reaching out?
I have this desire. I’ve prayed about the situation, I’ve gone through my checklist to ensure that the apprehension of it would at least on the surface bring glory to God and I’ve in some ways put myself in a position to rightly pursue it. So naturally, all that’s left to do is to go after it; right?
In this case…wrong!!!
I know this because each attempt to pursue has caused further separation from the thing almost to the point where I’m not even sure if it it’s even and option anymore. This last week and a half has particularly been a period of frustration and sometimes anger because I thought I was doing the right thing. I thought this was the way it was supposed to go down. I thought that by me putting myself out there, I’d be showing God that I’m serious about this one in hopes that He would honor my “stepping out.”
It wasn’t until today that I was reminded (by an angel of sorts) that maybe my approach this whole time has been wrong. Maybe in this particular situation, it’s not about me taking steps forward toward the thing, but remaining still; and maybe even taking steps away from it. Maybe, the demonstration of my trust and reliance in God’s love, power and wisdom is supposed to be evident in my waiting; in my letting go.
Yes, Terry…letting go!!!
But if I let go it will look like the desire isn’t there anymore right? I may be forgotten about right? Someone else might get it before me right?
Not necessarily…There can be and there is desire in waiting. Letting go doesn’t mean casting the thing aside as if it doesn’t matter or “forgetting” about it as if it doesn’t exist. Letting go means, relinquishing my need to be in the control of the situation because I believe it’s mine and I’m in some way entitled to it. Letting go is allowing God’s timing to be the determining factor and instead of my own unreasonable timetable. Letting go in this situation is saying, “God I trust you enough not to pursue, because if it is for me, YOU will make it happen.”
You may be thinking Terry, that’s not how faith works! If so, I invite you to go read the story of David before he was crowned King. It was over a decade between the time God anointed/called David to be King of Israel and the realization of it. In this story, David had plenty of opportunities to usurp Saul’s authority, execute a hostile takeover and even execute Saul. Yet, David waited. He served. He exercised faith!!! He knew what he wanted, he knew his calling, but he trusted God’s timing for it to happen and in the end, it was God who received the glory and David who was beneficiary of God’s goodness. (1 Samuel 16:11-2 Samuel 5:3, read it all!)
So tonight, I’m letting go…Letting go of the need to control my life. Letting go of fear. Letting go of doubt. Letting go of anxiety.
I am embracing God’s love. I’m embracing God’s wisdom. I’m embracing God’s power. And most of all, I’m embracing God’s TIMING.
Should my desire ever become a reality it won’t be because I earned it, it will be because God has graciously allowed me to receive it. Selah.